Everybody hates cold weather, don't we. And there is no mystery why. When its cold we are all crouched over blowing our hands, we are as pale as a corpse and end up all becoming a city of hunchbacks of NotreDame, never leaving our homes, afraid of the cold and keeping hidden in hopes that no one will see you. In the same token it is no mystery why people get "spring fever". People come out more, their posture is corrected, they are not wearing 50 pounds of clothes and look generally a lot better. Its not that there is some magic dust floating around in the air its just the fact that we all don't look like a member of the Addams family. Have you ever wondered why all these people in LA and the tropics look so good, it is because they never have to deal with winter and the physical percussion's that come with it. I’d like to see a Baywatch episode take place in Alaska, I bet they are not so eager to rescue a drowning kid in the glacier water and if you think that David Hastlehoff is something special now, imagine him in a Speedo, skating across the ice to rescue a drowning polar bear. Why he is rescuing a polar bear in the first place? I’d tell you but that would ruin the episode. Side note the hormones are in full gear and ready for a healthy spring session. It is fox hunting sesson, not sea donkey or tire bitter hunter time. Those permits are easier to get but the game is undisirable to the taste or touch.
Clothes seem to always go missing somehow don't they. No matter what you do to keep them in order and in place some clothes are going to slip through the cracks. Especially socks, they always vanish. And its not a pair that goes missing its just one from the pair. I have like 500 single socks looking for some one they can cling(static cling get it) to if you know of any available socks that you think would be a good match with my socks I'm interested. Is there someone out there who steals one sock from a pair and if so why? Is there really a hot black market for these things. "Hey, psst, you there with the lack of socks, I got one with blue strips here, I'll be willing to part with it for about two fabric softeners. Do we have a deal?" I've actually tried to get my missing socks on milk cartoons but they've refused saying something about stinky socks being a turnoff to the average milk buyer.
Department stores always get people that fit there stores image don't they? Go into a crafts and quilts shop guaranteed there will be about a hundred old grandmas working there, go to a Hemp shop and guaranteed the person who is selling you clothes is nicely baked. The stores that really get me though are the sports department stores. They have the biggest most intimidating guys in there selling you shoes. To top it of they wear these headphones with mikes attached to them so if you don't get the tennis racket you were looking at you're pretty sure they are going to report you into the workers who are off duty and beat you to a pulp. I think there should be a week in every year all department stores switch their employees with an others. Personally I think Id rather buy a pair of shoes from an old lady than some retired high school football player and besides it makes more sense for old people to be wearing headphones with mikes attached, so we can talk to them and they can actually hear us.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
A thin line between dude and Dude? . .. and robotic dogs
Watching a fair bit of sports in my time and also just through observation of male behavior as a whole I have noticed that in some situations there are some innate mechanisms employed by fellows when dealing with other dudes to eliminate awkwardness. These are in no particular order:
Basketball teams like to link arms on the bench to show team support and unity. I was watching a game the other day when a team was down by 20 with 4 mins left in the game and the arms where still linked. Coach may have made it a rule our no one wants to be the guy who starts up the conversation . . . "so, uh we are going to loss yeah, maybe you can get your elbow off my groin and we can just watch the game normally now" I guess that is the guy lacking team spirit but in most cases guys just know down by ten points with less than 10 to go no arms locked.
At restaurants the ideal for two straight fellows out getting a bite to eat is a four seater. It is just known to not sit on the same side of the table and to also avoid sitting across from each other.
Movie theatres. With the bigger seats it is acceptable now to sit next to each other unless your guy buddy is a heavy breather than provide the buffer zone. The main thing here is the established cup/candy holder for each person is the one on the right side of the seat.
Eye contact. Pretty much guys avoid almost all eye contact in conversation with other guys. the less eye contact the more easy going the conversation can be.
Bathrooms. There are a series of guy codes for the washroom, I don't want to dive into to that sort of stuff though. Just remember the best washroom experience to have is one where no one else in the washroom knows you had one.
Black guys having a prayer circle at the end of a football game is cool, white guys a little preachy. I think it is great though when there is interracial football prayer circles at the end of the game, I find usually the white guys are not allowed to hold hands in the immediate circle and just float on the outside.
In a group of guy friends the fellow who has gone the longest without a lady gets first crack.
Your allowed to eat anything another guy puts out at his house until the last bit. It does not matter if you ate the whole bowl beforehand a guy needs permission to eat the last "BLANK".
I think more than females which seem to make groups of friends of comparable physical traits, guys seek out physical diversity in their groups. I know for me I avoid hanging out with other bald guys usually, if more than two balds are together it looks more like a cult meeting than a night out. The exception to this rule is club guys, they seem to try to look as identical as possible.
That is enough of those. I have been thinking lately about how I think I could have a pet if it was robotic. I have never been big on pets for a number of reasons not the least of which is dealing with them dying. A robot does not die they just break down, if it ran out on the street or I forgot to feed it it would just need a oil change or something. Still provide the companionship and exercises a regular pet would only none of the responsibility. Win, win. My robot dog will be called Mega-maximus Emerson the third, and hopefully it will be able to fly, cause how cool would that be to go to dog parks and say "fetch" and then have old Mega-maximus Emerson the third fly high into the sky like a rocket and get the ball or stick and just stay up there for a while. People would ask "how did you teach your dog to do that?" I would reply "science" and then give them a wink.
I am in a computer lab I always come to, I have come to this computer lab all through my undergrad years and still come here even though I don't need to and it is a bit of an in convenience actually. I think it helps me feel connected to the student body, plus I love the sound of key strokes and how intently people stare at their computer screens. I also love random laughter amongst the silence that must be due to a funny email or face book message. Oh the shenanigans.
Basketball teams like to link arms on the bench to show team support and unity. I was watching a game the other day when a team was down by 20 with 4 mins left in the game and the arms where still linked. Coach may have made it a rule our no one wants to be the guy who starts up the conversation . . . "so, uh we are going to loss yeah, maybe you can get your elbow off my groin and we can just watch the game normally now" I guess that is the guy lacking team spirit but in most cases guys just know down by ten points with less than 10 to go no arms locked.
At restaurants the ideal for two straight fellows out getting a bite to eat is a four seater. It is just known to not sit on the same side of the table and to also avoid sitting across from each other.
Movie theatres. With the bigger seats it is acceptable now to sit next to each other unless your guy buddy is a heavy breather than provide the buffer zone. The main thing here is the established cup/candy holder for each person is the one on the right side of the seat.
Eye contact. Pretty much guys avoid almost all eye contact in conversation with other guys. the less eye contact the more easy going the conversation can be.
Bathrooms. There are a series of guy codes for the washroom, I don't want to dive into to that sort of stuff though. Just remember the best washroom experience to have is one where no one else in the washroom knows you had one.
Black guys having a prayer circle at the end of a football game is cool, white guys a little preachy. I think it is great though when there is interracial football prayer circles at the end of the game, I find usually the white guys are not allowed to hold hands in the immediate circle and just float on the outside.
In a group of guy friends the fellow who has gone the longest without a lady gets first crack.
Your allowed to eat anything another guy puts out at his house until the last bit. It does not matter if you ate the whole bowl beforehand a guy needs permission to eat the last "BLANK".
I think more than females which seem to make groups of friends of comparable physical traits, guys seek out physical diversity in their groups. I know for me I avoid hanging out with other bald guys usually, if more than two balds are together it looks more like a cult meeting than a night out. The exception to this rule is club guys, they seem to try to look as identical as possible.
That is enough of those. I have been thinking lately about how I think I could have a pet if it was robotic. I have never been big on pets for a number of reasons not the least of which is dealing with them dying. A robot does not die they just break down, if it ran out on the street or I forgot to feed it it would just need a oil change or something. Still provide the companionship and exercises a regular pet would only none of the responsibility. Win, win. My robot dog will be called Mega-maximus Emerson the third, and hopefully it will be able to fly, cause how cool would that be to go to dog parks and say "fetch" and then have old Mega-maximus Emerson the third fly high into the sky like a rocket and get the ball or stick and just stay up there for a while. People would ask "how did you teach your dog to do that?" I would reply "science" and then give them a wink.
I am in a computer lab I always come to, I have come to this computer lab all through my undergrad years and still come here even though I don't need to and it is a bit of an in convenience actually. I think it helps me feel connected to the student body, plus I love the sound of key strokes and how intently people stare at their computer screens. I also love random laughter amongst the silence that must be due to a funny email or face book message. Oh the shenanigans.
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